The turkeys return to Midtown

I was headed up to Target the other day and I noticed something going on at Minnehaha and Lake. People were stopped in cars in odd places, pedestrians were pointing, children were in awe. I looked over and saw the turkeys were back. Right in the middle of Lake St! I only wish I'd had my camera with me!

My evil plan...

Congratulations on being the creator of a new

Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: Widespread Misery.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Madness

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first seduce a senator. This will cause the world to give one another worried looks, baffled by your arrival. Who is this despoiler of all that is good and nice and true? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in classic black?

Stage Two

Next, you must contaminate/poison the pacific ocean. This will all be done from a amusement park, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will wet their pants, as countless hordes of evil clowns hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must tauntingly wave your plague of doom, bringing about nightmares for every man, woman and child. Your name shall become synonymous with the spice girls, and no man will ever again dare make you clean your room. Everyone will bow before your unbreakable will, and the world will have no choice but to restore your credit rating.

Need help making your own evil plan? Go here.

Wild turkeys invade Corcoran / Midtown

So I was sitting in the house when something outside near my car caught my eye. I was a little confused for a minute. Then I saw some guy out there taking pictures with a cell phone camera. I ran around the house trying to find my camera to get some pics of my own.

Right here in Midtown, here is what I found:






Two wild turkeys!! Where the hell did those come from? By the time I snapped some decent pictures they had made their way to the alley (that is currently torn up due to sewer repair). Shortly after this a couple of 8 year olds came upon the scene, and chased the turkeys away, confirming my friends question... yes, turkeys do fly!

Update on the crabby gay guy

My (gay) best friend called me today and told me he saw the crabby, ugly, yelling gay guy on Lyndale Ave!! He recognized him just by my description of the guy and his vehicle. LOL! Turns out one of the many bumper stickers on the back (featured prominently) is a "HANG UP AND DRIVE" sticker. hahahahaha

Near 42nd and Hiawatha

To the ugly gay guy in the parking lot at Rainbow Foods

This is a repost from Craig's List, where my post got flagged down by jealous losers who were upset that my post was making a few people laugh. For those who don't know me, and don't know of my love of gay people and gay bars, rest assured that this post is nothing against gay people. It's about a jerk who happens to be gay. So, here it is:

First off, you are the Goddamn ugliest gay man I have EVER seen in my life. Is that even "gay legal" to look like that? You make Bruce Vilanch look like Rock Hudson! I know you had your fanny pack in quite a twist this afternoon, but let me just explain to you exactly what was going on there. For your convenience,and because I think you are a complete moron I have added a picture to illustrate my story.

I pulled into the parking lot and turned into the lane you had parked in. At the time that I turned in, the worker had brought three carts out of the cart corral and was standing in the lane. I stopped to let him finish and pass. While this was going on, you decided to exit your spot and for whatever reason you HAD to go down the way that this was all going on instead of being aware of your surroundings and going the other way which would have been just as easy. I see you coming and because of the carts I realize you will not be able to get through, so i back up to allow you to pass. I THOUGHT I was being a nice person since it was actually your half of the row that was blocked. For whatever reason, as you pull past me, you feel the need to stop, look at me, put your ugly fingers up to your ear like a telephone and angrily yell "GET OFF THE PHONE!!! PUT THE PHONE DOWN!!!" I had just answered the fucking phone you ugly douche, and I was sitting in a parking lot for fuck's sake, what Goddamn difference does it make to you? FUCK OFF!!! I know it sucks to be so ugly and see people who are actually good looking and who actually have people who want to talk to them, but you don't have to lash out at me. Here's you:



P.s. Do you think you could put a few more stickers on the back of your SUV-lite?

I heart my bike.. but it doesn't heart me.

I love my bike, check it out.



Last year I bought a bell that tells the world how I feel. The packaging is a bit dusty but you get the message.



My bike doesn't love me. This is what happened when I couldn't get my garage door open to put the bike away.

I was backing down the driveway into the alley to go around to the front and I didn't realize how quickly it went down right where I was. So I fell. My elbow and knee got the brunt of it. My bike was unharmed since it landed on top of me. The good news is there were no cars coming down the alley. ;) I looked around to make sure no one had seen me, got up, brushed myself off and rode around to the front of the house.

This week I hope to ride the Midtown Greenway. Though the way things look I should consider getting myself some knee and elbow pads before then. Or maybe some training wheels.